Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
