please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
