Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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