Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so let's talk penis.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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