hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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