I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
