She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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