some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
