Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
