Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
