Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
