This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
