I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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