and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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