Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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