i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize