I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
