Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
