I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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