She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
