did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
