apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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