My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize