maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
