Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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