I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
