You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize