Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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