I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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