Pass out mid-funnel last night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
