I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
