I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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