I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize