i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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