I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
