five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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