he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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