Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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