Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
accomplished twins. life is a go
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize