So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
