I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
