May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
