So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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