I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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