sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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