I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
there is glitter all over my balls
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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