I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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