I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
