You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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