You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
