Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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