I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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