HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Pants are for mortals
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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