i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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