Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
