I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We had sex on a dog bed..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
