i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
A+ Viking dick
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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