Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
