I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize