There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
