the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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