I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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