Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
and she was petting her beer can
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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