You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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