turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
