you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
