I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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