In the future we'll all be gay
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
