Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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