Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
