I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
