so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize