So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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