Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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