I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
