the condom got lost in my hair
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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