now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
