Pappa wants mamma naked
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
