This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The uberlube is also flammable
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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