i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
