The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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