If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
