If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize