I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Houston, we have a blender
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
