Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
