sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
