i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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