Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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