I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
