Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
