The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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