even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
