I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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